Changing Your Fear Of Change

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” -Jim Rohn

You can ask anybody. Almost everyone will say they could use a better life. More money, a better job, better relationships, a bigger house…. something better than what they have. But what does “better’ really mean? Better implies something different from what you have now, and moving into something different requires change. And therein lies the snafu. You see, the only thing people will tell you they want more than a better life is that they’re afraid that things will change. Change is annoying at best, and scary at its worst. We like the way things are, and we develop thought patterns, habits and beliefs that fight hard to keep things the way they are. Unfortunately, these very habits, patterns and beliefs effectively block the conditions for a better life to emerge. We are caught between wanting change, and fearing it. So we end up only dreaming about a better life, a life of sailing the Seven Seas, while spending our lives clinging to the harbor.

One of the biggest fears we have is of letting go, and mastering this skill is the cornerstone to successful change. Intellectually it makes sense to us: We cannot make room for the new until we have let go of the old. But emotionally it is a much different story. Many reasons exist for this: we have intense survival fear, we have attached our very identity to something that is changing, we have deep trust issues, etc. But regardless of the cause, the solution remains the same. In order to implement change, we must decrease the experience of fear and replace it with an experience of safety.

There is a technique I have been using to overcome my fear of change as I move forward into the life I desire and can tell you from first hand experience it works. The first time I tried it, it manifested in a life change that far exceeded my expectations and dreams. Here’s my practice:

1. Sit in a quiet space and take three long, deep breaths. Put your hands on your heart and think of one thing in your life that you are truly grateful for. Stay with it until you feel the gratitude replace your anxiety, and a sense of calm settles your body. Now think of another thing you are grateful for, and sit with that peaceful energy. The key to this first step is to make this an emotional exercise, not an intellectual one. When you are secure in this centered state, visualize what you want. Ask yourself these three questions:

   A). What do I have to do to make this happen? The answers might be taking a physical action like making a phone call or re-prioritizing daily activities. Or it may be a deeply spiritual action of trusting the moment and relaxing into the flow of life.

   B). What kind of person do I have to be to have this reality? When you envision your preferred life, how does this future you behave? What are you thinking? What actions are you doing? What actions are you not doing? What attitudes do you hold? How are you feeling inside? Have a clear vision of yourself as you want to be.

   C). What do I have to let go of to achieve this goal? This might include an expectation you have of yourself or that others hold of you, a perspective of yourself or the situation that is negative or a commitment that is not supporting your desired reality. You may need to let go of a person or place, a belief or habit. The key is to pinpoint what is not supporting the life you want. Whatever the answers, trust what comes out of this harmonious state. Your heart knows the truth.

2. The second half of this exercise helps to neutralize the fear and put your vision into action. Action is the foundation of success. This practice draws on an old Wayne Dyer technique called “Thinking from the End.” It goes like this: With the situation you desire in mind, see it as already having happened. Feel what it feels like to have reached your goal and have your desire now be reality. By visualizing the end result as accomplished, one experiences a sense of relief and a confidence in one’s ability to succeed. This exercise gives you an emotional foundation of fearlessness, security and certainty from which to springboard forward. I have discovered that this particular technique is helpful in calming down an agitated mind and body. When I am feeling anxious or panicky about an outcome, I ask myself, “How would I feel and what would I do right now if I knew my goal was already complete?” I see myself living the life I desire, being the person I want to be, and it transforms my whole mood and mindset from one of fear to one of calm. As Maya Angelou said,

   “Hope and Fear cannot occupy the same place at the same time. Invite one to stay.”

   Practicing these two methods for overcoming the fear of change has had enormous benefit for me, and can benefit you too. They help you discern between that which is assisting you in attaining a better life, and that of which you need to let go. Then it helps you actually let go of those things by giving you an emotional base of confidence and security from which to move forward, and providing an opportunity to experience how it feels to achieve your goal. “You’re already there.” The end result is that it turns your subjective experience of life into a settled and happy one, and transforms your objective reality into the one of your dreams.